Talking to your son about periods

A boy will share classrooms, teams, homes and workplaces with people who have periods. Some boys will have periods themselves. A children’s health site in the United States puts the case simply: “Girls and boys need reliable information about periods. So make sure you talk to your sons, too.” This guide is for parents and carers who want to do that without fuss.

Why sons, too

Attitudes to periods are learned. In one survey of 802 adults aged 18 to 44, men reported more negative attitudes toward menstruation than women. The researchers found the difference was “explained largely by heteronormative attitudes and sexism.”

A note on words: the sources we cite in this guide say “girls”, “women” and “men”. We keep researchers’ words so we report their findings accurately. The Reading Room is for everyone who menstruates.

Research on teaching boys about periods is limited. The studies found come mostly from India, Ghana, Tanzania, Uganda and Bangladesh, and the Editor found none from Canada. So this guide makes no promise about results. It treats the conversation as a matter of information and courtesy.

When to start: early and small

“By the time they’re 6 or 7 years old, most kids can understand the basics of periods,” according to the same US children’s health site. It suggests natural moments: a question about bodies or babies, or a trip to buy period pads or tampons.

A Canadian children’s hospital gives general advice that fits sons as well as daughters: “If your child has not brought up the topic as they near their preteen years, it is up to you to initiate the conversation.” It adds: “If your child’s friends and the Internet are their only sources of education, they may receive some poor advice.”

The US site quoted above advises against “one big talk at a particular age”. Instead, it says, “start the conversation early and slowly build on your child’s understanding”. A first answer can be two sentences. More can come later.

What school covers, and what it may not

In Ontario, periods are part of the Grade 5 curriculum for the whole class, not only girls. The 2019 Health and Physical Education curriculum expects students to “describe the processes of menstruation and spermatogenesis, and explain how these processes relate to reproduction and overall development” (expectation D1.4). Grade 4 covers the changes of puberty (D1.5). Families can ask for their child to be excused from these lessons, under their school board’s policy.

Curricula differ by province and territory. The Editor has checked Ontario’s in full, and not yet the others. Ask your child’s school what is taught, and when.

Nationally, SIECCAN’s Canadian Guidelines for Sexual Health Education (2019) are guidance, not a curriculum. They say sexual health education should be accessible “to all people inclusive of age, race, sex, gender identity…” For ages 8 to 10, the benchmark is to “Understand the physical, biological, psychological, emotional, and social changes associated with puberty.”

The words to use

Use the correct words: period, blood, uterus, vagina. They are the words Ontario’s curriculum uses, and the words a doctor uses.

Keep the language wide enough for real life. “People who have periods” is accurate. So is “most girls, and some boys, have periods.” Not every girl has periods, and some boys do. You do not need to guess which your son is. Speaking this way leaves room for him, his friends and his future.

Five questions boys ask, and short answers

A good brother, classmate, teammate and friend

Kindness here is simple and concrete.

• Don’t tease. The Ontario line above says why: “Not everyone experiences these changes at the same time and in the same way.”
• Know where things are. If a sister or a guest asks, he can tell her where the period pads are kept at home, without comment.
• Respect privacy. A period is someone else’s business unless they share it.
• Offer help, then step back. In forums, parents describe a young friend quietly asking another adult for help. Knowing that adults can help, and who to ask, is useful for anyone.

For older sons, one fact shows how ordinary periods are at work. Since 15 December 2023, federally regulated employers in Canada must provide tampons and period pads in all toilet rooms in the workplaces they control, “regardless of their marked genders”.

If your son will have periods himself

Some sons are trans boys, and some of them will have periods. If that is your son, the same approach applies: correct words, calm answers, and his privacy respected. Let him lead on the words he uses for his own body. More in the Reading Room: “Period care and gender dysphoria.” Kids Help Phone and the Access Line below are open to him.

What this is not

This guide covered bodies, words and kindness. It did not cover religion, sex or family values; those belong to you. It did not summarise every province’s curriculum; it quoted Ontario’s and SIECCAN’s guidance. It is written for adults, not for children. It does not recommend any product.

Next in the Reading Room: “A kind guide to first periods.”